Reality continues to ruin my life.
- Bill Watterson
The reason there are so few female politicians is that it is too much trouble to put makeup on two faces.
- Maureen Murphy
More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly.
- Woody Allen
I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place.
- Steven Wright
Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory.
- Albert Schweitzer
By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he's wrong.
- Charles Wadsworth
Art is a collaboration between God and the artist, and the less the artist does the better.
- Andre Gide
People who have no weaknesses are terrible; there is no way of taking advantage of them.
- Anatole France
But in this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes.
- Benjamin Franklin
The very first law in advertising is to avoid the concrete promise and cultivate the delightfully vague.
- Bill Cosby
This country has come to feel the same when Congress is in session as when the baby gets hold of a hammer.
- Will Rogers
Write a wise saying and your name will live forever.
About the time we think we can make ends meet, somebody moves the ends.
- Herbert Hoover
Money can't buy happiness, but neither can poverty.
- Leo Rosten